hallelujah.

i will always try to be strong. i will always try to love myself as much as i love others. i will always try to believe in what feels right, rather than what they say is right. i will always try to listen to my head before my heart. i will always try to forget what hurts me. i will always try to avoid the bad things. i will always try to go out of my way to brighten someone's day, especially if they are a stranger. i will always try to have realistic dreams. i will always try to give at least 90%. i will always try to hide the sadness and show the joy. i will always try to be a good daughter, friend, sister, and girlfriend in the best way i know how. i will always try to impress. i will always try to remember what has made me who i am. i will always try to make good decisions. i will always try to love my life.

i've learned everything i know the hard way. i've learned not to give away what you can't replace. i've learned to hold secrets close, because in the end, they are the only things that can break you down once they're let out. i've learned to laugh when i'm sad. i've learned that everything will eventually be over, and whether that's good or bad, it will always make you stronger. i've learned that i'm not ready for the kind of love i want. i've learned that letting go is the more complicated than people say. i've learned that the past only repeats itself when you let it. i've learned that all people are inherently good, and sometimes it's not their fault. i've learned that the important things are not what most people think they are. i've learned that walls are not always built to keep people out. i've learned that it is impossible to be free until you know yourself. i've learned that it is possible to be both happy and sad at the same time. i've learned that everyone has a story behind their reasoning and decision making and ability to love. i've learned that there are different kinds of goodbyes. i've learned that doors of opportunity are never guaranteed to be opened more than once. i've learned that being sad and depressed is never attractive. i've learned that i have one life, and it's up to me to live it.

i'm lucky because i've survived my own hell. i'm lucky because i've been shattered by someone else's hands and put back together by my own. i'm lucky because i've had people i trusted let me down. i'm lucky because i can build a wall thicker, stronger, higher, and safer than any wall you could possibly build, and i learned how to do it all by myself. i'm lucky because i am my own hero. i'm lucky because i refuse to trust. i'm lucky because it's going to take the most patient, caring, insane man to ever remotely love me. and when i meet him, i'll know that everything was finally worth it. and i'll actually feel lucky.